Well, I haven't written anything in a while and I decide that 6 minutes until midnight is the best time to do such a thing...wonderful.

I'm going to start off with something that may seem a bit strange to you all...

Romance sucks.

I don't mean the idea here, it's beautiful and charming and would love for it to happen for everyone. I mean all the movies and books and shit that make it look so damn easy.

IT IS NOT EASY!!!!

I have crushed on guys true, but I never initiate it because I know they will never, EVER, take any interest in me romantically WHATSOEVER!

I'm the girl who's friends with guys
I'm the girl who sets her girl friends up with her guy friends
I'm the girl that lets her friend make moves on the guy I like because she has a better shot then me...
I'm the shoulder to cry on when they guys dump my friends
I'm the advice giver...

Yet, for all the advice I give on relationships...why am I not in one? I sometimes think that to myself....

But I know why.... Because I think that I am lower then that...My self-esteem is nonexistent...and I really believe that romantic happiness for me will never come.

I know that it's wrong to think that way... and I know that the only thing keeping me from being happy is myself...

I often thought I was afraid of rejection, but that isn't it.... It's that I'll never try because I always think that they or anyone else is 100 million times better then me, and they would never stoop so low as to take in a pale, broken lowly thing such as me....

I don't even know how I got this way! I would love to fix it, but everyone I talk to doesn't see the problem! They tell me I'm worthy like I'm going to believe it.

Ha!

I know they may be telling the truth, but a small voice in the back of my head always snides out, "They are lying to you, you know!"

and....I believe it....just a little more each time.

I want to be noticed....to be taken care of and loved by someone...even if it's only for a little while.... but I'm not sure that will ever really happen...I'm nothing special and, well that's the way it will always be I guess...